So here I am writing my first ever post. One thing you should know is I’m more of a talker than a writer so I will just have to see how this goes. I actually have no idea what I’m doing so I’m quite impressed that I’ve managed to get this far.
The title suggests that I’m at the start of something new. In terms of sharing my story, my thoughts and feelings I suppose I am, but it comes from long 10 year history of infertility. I will share the details of my treatment journey in future posts, but in short I have been to 4 clinics, had 8 cycles of IVF with embryos being transferred on 6 of those cycles, been hospitalised twice with severe Ovarian Hyperstimulation Syndrome, had 12 embryos replaced which have all failed and we now face the decision of whether to continue with further treatment. I have suffered from stress, anxiety and depression for a number of years as a result of a stressful job and the years of infertility treatments. You could say its been a bit of a traumatic journey. I didn’t realise the toll it had taken on me both physically and emotionally until I suffered a breakdown in 2015. That became the turning point for me, I asked for help and as a result I started to find a renewed strength and focus to work towards a positive future. I started to take back control. One thing that infertility strips you of is control. And so here I am some 18 months later with a much more positive outlook on my future and life in general.
The past 10 years haven’t all been dark and depressing. Hubby and I have travelled to some amazing places and I hope to share some of those experiences too. I love to travel although flying scares the hell out of me! I used to struggle to see holidays as a positive thing for many years because they always came after the disappointment of failed infertility treatment. Lying on a beach shortly after my breakdown somehow didn’t feel good and I just didn’t know why I couldn’t feel ‘happy’. Infertility was controlling my life and our life together. I am now learning to take back control and make decisions that are right for me.
I have somehow managed to find the inner strength to move forward. I hope that the focus of my blog is about finding strength and moving forward, even during the most challenging times. I hope that anyone reading this can draw something positive from my posts, whether that be finding their own strength to move forward, finding hope that you can get through just about anything, knowing that its ok not to be ok and it’s not a failure to ask for help.
And so I suppose I am on a new journey, one which I look forward to sharing with you…